Legends from the Shadows

[Fatalis]

Constructive criticism awaaaaaaaay! Bold is for blatant corrections, Italics need better grammar.

I didn't get to finish breaking down the first post nor even begin on the second, but I can immediately tell you that there are a lot of mistakes and erratic spelling errors that would make an English teacher cringe. In addition to this, not only would this be non-canon for heRO, let alone Ragnarok Online as a whole, it makes absolutely no sense, and borderline god-moding. I'd honestly like to see an assassin cross pass an MVP who has 15,000,000 HP and was apparently so strong that he could literally warp the landscape.

If you're going to "But game mechanics don't matter in RP!", well, it still doesn't make sense, isn't canon, and is borderline god-moding.

First post, paragraph mistakes:

1:
"stoods" > stood

"secert" > secret

"From the shadows she terrorized the people that wondered too close" > From the shadows she terrorized the people that wandered too close.


2:
"First goal to be a thief" > First goal, to become a thief

"While her history was cleaner then most
who became theieves, she wasn't the innocent type dispite her appearence." > While her history was cleaner then most who became thieves, she wasn't the innocent type despite her appearance

"After she became a thief she contined to train hard and terrorize some
people" > After she became a thief she continued to train hard and terrorize some people

"Her skills inproved and she became an assassin to fit the image that she had bee give." > Her skills improved and she became an assassin to fit the image that she had been given.

3:
"As an assassin, she terrorized the city of Morroc as the rise of the demon Satin Morroc began his rise to power.??Her power continued to ascend along side the Satin Morroc"??> As an assassin, she terrorized the city of Morroc as the rise of the demon Satan Morroc began his rise to power.??Her power continued to ascend alongside the Satan Morroc

"As she began to reach the point in her life where she would have reached the ultamite goal, she learned of something that was stronger" > As she began to reach the point in her life where she would have reached the ultimate goal, she learned of something that was stronger

"The rebirth, the one that could transend the normal limits of their current life to reach limits only dreamed of. When she finally reached the point where she could asend no more, she realized her power would stop growing as the Satin Morroc would continue" > The rebirth, the one that could transcend the normal limits of their current life to reach limits only dreamed of. When she finally reached the point where she could ascend no more, she realized her power would stop growing as the Satan Morroc would continue

"She searched far and wide before ending up in the sages city of Yuno. There she searched deep into the history and learned of a place where he strongest of stong could approach" > She searched far and wide before ending up in the sage's city of Yuno. There she searched deep into the history and learned of a place where the strongest of the strong could approach. The home of the Valkyrie, Valhalla, the realm of the most honored warriors.

"Deep inside she was obtained a fragment of something calle Ymir's Heart" > Deep inside she obtained a fragment of something called Ymir's Heart

"the morning sun shined onto her body that layed in a bed." > the morning sun shined onto her body that lay in a bed.

"She eventually figured her goal and returned to Morroc." > She eventually figured out her goals and returned to Morroc.

"The person in charge regonized her appearence although she couldn't remember her exactly since there had been so many people before. She continued to train hard as she tried to surpass the Stain Morroc. Yet by the time she had reached the??pinicle" > The person in charge recognized her appearance although she couldn't remember her exactly since there had been so many people before. She continued to train hard as she tried to surpass the Satan Morroc. Yet by the time she had reached the pinnacle

"It where there she learned of waht was stronger then an assassin, the one that transended the limits, the assassin cross." > It where there she learned of what was stronger then an assassin, the one that transcended the limits, the assassin cross.

4:
"The two spoke for a while but in the end, she decided to go down that path. She accepted and transended to become an assassin cross. Yet there" > The two spoke for a while but in the end, she decided to go down that path. She accepted and transcended to become an assassin cross. Yet there

"Her power grew soon matching the Satin Morroc again and shortly passed his" > Her power grew soon matching the Satan Morroc again and shortly surpassed his

"The Satin Morroc did not care whether she died or not but would give her something. He laid one witherless rose on her, showing that he did care to some point, but her death didn't mean much to him." > The Satan Morroc did not care whether she died or not but would give her something. He laid one wither less rose on her, showing that he did care to some point, but her death didn't mean much to him.